An appeal From the Author

Sri Sri Bishnupriyā-Gourāngou Jayatah



ātma shodhibār tore duhsāhas koinu,

leelā-sindhur ek bindu sparshite nārinu.

(Adwaita Prakāsh, 22nd Chapter)

 

I was so impudent as to seek self-realization; however I could not touch even one drop from the ocean of the Divine pastimes.

Sri Sri Bishnupriyā Devi love-sports on the bosom of Goursundar, is the daughter of Sri Sanātan and she is more than inconceivable. She is unknown to the Vedic scriptures. Her pastimes in the Mahāgambheerā of Nadia are like an ocean that is fathomless and boundless. To dive into this ocean and bring out the priceless leelā-gems is nothing short of cheekiness on my part. Yet it is true that the Lord and Priyāji themselves have given me this inspiration. Now why did they give such an arrogant brainwave to a moron, Bhajan-sādhan-less, beast-in-human-form, insignificant creature like myself? This question constantly plagues me.  From time to time it arises in my sinful filthy mind and pricks me like a thorn. I admit it is very hurting indeed. 

It happened like this. I cannot tell a lie that, “One day, the desire for self-reformation spontaneously arose in my heart”; for I must confess that I am at best a hypocrite and atheist. Such lofty desire that calls for high level spiritual treatment cannot possibly arise in my heart, since I am a beast-in-human-form.  I am such a criminal  that even if, by the causeless mercy of Sri Gurudev and Sri Gourānga, such a desire ever arises in my heart, I will not be so fortunate as to realize that I have such a Bhakti-desire.  Please do not think that I am saying all this out of humility, since I do not possess the humility that is an adornment for the Vaishnavs. Reason? Very simple. I am not a Vaishnav. I do not have the right to call myself one.  My sinful self has only one shelter, and that is the foot-dust of the good Vaishnavs.  Yet I do harbor a daring notion that Sri Nitāichānd, who is the munificent Lord of my family, catches my hair at times, and kicks me mercifully with those most auspicious feet that he uses to pound the atheists. He does this although I am a blot on my family and humanity. His powerful kicks force me to sometimes write a few crooked lines about Sri Bishnupriyā-Gourānga.  The scriptural dictum “murkhasya lāthyoushadham” – “beating with a rod is the only medicine for an idiot” – has some effect on me. Out of the fear of Lord Sri Nityānanda in the garb of “Pākhanda-dalan[1]”if I write something, then the credit goes to my anger-free, supremely blissful Avadhut Sri Nitāichānd’s merciful glance. His glance is so glorious, his name is so purifying, so wondrous, so magnificent that it can make a worthless being like me cough up these words. Definitely no credit goes to me.

Since ages I have been nursing foolish arrogance in my heart. This arrogance is very dear to me. Result? Pure ignorance and lack of scriptural knowledge constantly burns deep down in my heart. Since birth I have been adverse towards the cattle and the devotees, served only the people in position, have wallowed in the wealth got from such service, and a mercenary materialistic person. I know this very well. I doubt whether I have ever had the good fortune to hear Bhakti-shāstras from the lips of devotees, Gurudev or any Āchārya – my life has been so hateful. My family-Deity, the Vaishnavs, the devatās, and Sri Gurudev who is the decider of my fate, have just not written the association of pure devotees in my luck. Yes, they have definitely given me the opportunity of residing in Sridhām Vrindāban for some time; although this was a supremely rare stroke of luck, unfortunately I could not give it adequate respect and importance, and left the Holy Land.

After tremendous slogging for almost twenty five years I have managed to write some rubbish about Sri Bishnupriyā-Gourānga. This too has been possible by the immense kripā of Sri Guru Mahārāj and the good Vaishnavs. I know very well that these writings are not – and will not – be palatable to the pure Vaishnavs who are learned in the scriptures and are experts in Bhajan. Nevertheless we do drink the well-water in which Lord Sri Shālagrām has bathed, revering it as Charanāmrit, do we not? In the same manner, although my prose and poems are most crooked, fraught with mistakes, extremely poor-quality, devoid of any style or grace – it is true – yet, this composition is in some way connected with Sri Gourānga-leelā – thinking like this, if the most magnanimous Gour-bhaktas and scholarly Vaishnavs relish it, I firmly believe that they will find pleasure[2].

I have committed countless mistakes and offences while publishing various books and journals – for instance – a holy Vaishnav magazine for the long period of ten years (incidentally this magazine was of first class quality), Sri Gourānga Mahābhārat, some thirty to forty books on the divine pastimes of Sri Gourānga Mahāprabhu, and the most special of all – my last book “Sri Bishnupriyā in Gambheerā”. This also proves my immense shamelessness. I have numerous relatives, friends, disciples, grand-disciples, great grand-disciples and followers, yet I did not get any help from anybody. Whatever Sri Guru-Gourānga empowers me to write for the first time, it goes directly to the press. What can I do? It is my bad luck that I could not find anybody who would do the editing to my liking. Neither could I find such a person nor did I have the time to do this important sevā myself. For more than twenty two years I have had to do the proofreading also. As a result I have accepted all the shortcomings, mistakes and faults as ornaments on my body. They are my treasure. I bow my head at the feet of all devotees and openly beg forgiveness from the merciful readers for all my offences and faults. I do not seek any assistance from anybody – it is my major drawback – and I admit it unhesitatingly.  However if on my sorry state arouses pity in someone, and on his own he offers some help, and then I become his servant forever.

I am now almost sixty nine years. Long hours of proof reading have diminished my eyesight. One eye does not have any sight. I have had this defect since birth.  Yet, surprisingly no one can make out this flaw, and no one knows about it. My job was one of great responsibility, and I had to often travel here and there. Even after retirement from the Government service I traveled for eleven years to preach Sri Gourānga Mahāprabhu’s message. Due to constant traveling and lack of time, lack of facilities, I had to accomplish the important sevā of proofreading, sometimes in the train, and at other times in the boat. As a result, it is natural that there are so many mistakes. I admit I am entirely responsible for all of them.

In this text, many verses have been repeated. I am the culprit to be blamed for such repetition. However, in Bhakti-shāstras such repetition is not unforgiveable, (for profound bhāv results in such repetitions). Ordinary critics and mundane readers may certainly consider this an irritating flaw. This text has not been written for them anyway and they may avoid reading it.

In the end, I have a prayer at the lotus feet of all Gour-bhaktas. You are the dear ones of my Lord who never sees any flaw in anybody. I am unworthy in all respects; I am devoid of scriptural knowledge, and entirely a fool. Please forgive this old sinner for all his faults and bless him by offering him your foot dust.

“(sarba) baishnaber pade mor ei nibedan,

kripā kori math shobe deho shricharan.

shrotā shobe pādodake shuddha koro mon,

pāthak-pāthikā dāo charane sharan.

adhikāri noi mui koron poromād,

priyāji charit likhi mone bodo shādh.

ātma shodhibār tore duhsāhas koinu,

leelā sindhur ek bindu sparshite nārinu.

dās haridās tār charane doliyā,

(se) more jeno antakāle gourānga boliyā.”

 

Meaning – I have a single request at the lotus feet of all Vaishnavs that they may be pleased to mercifully place their holy feet on my head. All audience may give me their foot-wash and thus purify my heart. All readers give me shelter at their feet. In spite of being unqualified I am committing the mistake of writing this text because I have a great desire to narrate the biography of Priyāji. It is audacity on my part to try for self-realization; nevertheless I admit that I have not been able to touch a single drop from the ocean of Divine Pastimes. This servant “Haridās” beseeches that he may always remain at the lotus feet of Sri Priyāji and crying out “Hā Gourānga” he may breathe his last.

 

Most fallen and insignificant Haridās Goswāmi .


[1] The One who pounds the atheists

[2][2] Srila rupa Goswami has written the same in his drama Vidagdha-mādhav (1.4). The original verse goes like this –

“mamāsmin sandarbhe yadapi kavitā nālalitā

mudam dhāsyantyasyā tadapi harigandhād budhaganāh,

apah shālagrāplavana-garimodgāra sarasāh,

syaadheeh ko vā koupeerapi namitamurddhā na pibati?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 


 


 

 

 

 

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