Verse 42

Translation

What do I do now? Whom do I tell? It is futile hoping to obtain Sri Krishna. Let’s stop such useless talk and discuss something worthwhile instead. Oh! But He is in my heart! Then how can I give up talking about Him? He is a feast for the eyes and the mind! My humble thirst for Sri Krishna is ever increasing! 42.

rila Kavirâj Goswâmipâd explains that Sri Lilâshuk is meditating in his siddha–deha and is echoing Sri Râdhâ’s feelings in this state of mind. Sri Râdhâ is extremely anxious (udveg). The Mahâjan has described the state of udveg in the following manner –

(Sri Râdhâ is saying) –

“The arrow of the Love-god Manmath (one who agitates the heart) has pierced my heart. I wonder it does not break into two pieces. I feel as if a fire of viraha is raging inside me. My body is very tough, so it does not burn to ashes. How shall I explain my sorrow? I can neither die nor live in Kânu’s absence. I feel my eyelids coming in the way when I behold His face. I console myself by looking at Him again. When I see the flower-grove of dalliance all aroused with flowers and when I hear the song of the cuckoo and humming of the bees, and when the breeze laden with the scent of Mâlati touch me, I wonder why I am still living. Poet Govinda dâs says, let’s go to Mathurâ and give Kânu this news.”

At first Sri Râdhâ said in ‘âveg’ – “What shall I do in these troubled times so that I may get Sri Krishna’s darshan?”

What is ‘âveg’?

“When the mind is surging with emotions, we call it ‘âveg’.”

Sri Râdhâ experienced âveg when Sri Krishna and Baladev were setting out for Mathurâ.

“When Sri Râdhâ saw Sri Krishna on top of the chariot, all set to start for Mathurâ, She screamed and fell in front of the chariot, She threw Her tearful gaze at Sri Hari’s lotus-face and fell in front of Balarâm holding a blade of grass in between Her teeth. In this manner what all emotions She aroused in the compassionate Sri Krishna!” – [U.N. 13.40]

Sri Râdhâ gazed at Her sakhis and saw even they were anxious. She said, “To whom shall I tell my feelings? I find You in the same state as I. From Whom shall I seek advice?” She looked worried.

What is worry?

“‘Worry’ is a state of the mind when we think about not getting what we desire and getting what we do not desire.”

– [B.R.S. 2.4.136].

Example –

“During purva-râg Sri Vishâkhâ asked Sri Râdhâ – ‘O Râdhe! Why are You not eating? I can see You are not feeling like doing anything! You are staring at Your nose, always lost in thinking and You are very silent. I think You are finding the whole word to be empty. So dear sakhi! Have You become a yogini (one who performs spiritual austerities and meditation) or viyogini (one who pines for her lover)? Tell the truth!”

– [ U.N. 13.75]

After some time She stopped worrying and entered a bhâv called ‘matih’^[1].

When She felt ‘mati’ She said, “Expectation is the root cause of sorrow. Whatever I had done, anticipating to see Him, has been rendered futile. Enough of expectations!”

Now She felt amarsha. She said, “No need to speak of That ungrateful Krishna. Let’s not spend time in useless talk (Krishna-kathâ). Rather let’s discuss something worthwhile.”

Just as She uttered these words, Sri Krishna’s form appeared in Her heart, She was overcomr with agony and became restless like a doe pierced with arrow and said, “sakhi! I can’t bear any more – How painful! I had decided not to think of Him at all, but I have no option – He is right in my heart! He has captured the fortress of my heart and is now hurting me. He is my enemy, and assuming the form of Passion He is now piercing my heart with arrow dipped in ardour, what do I do?”

In the very next moment Sri Râdhâ felt ‘outsukya’.

(The Gopis told Uddhav as if to remind him of Pingalâ’s advice – “Expectation is the root cause of supreme sorrow, while inexpectation results in supreme happiness”.

– [Srimad-Bhâgavatam 10.47.47]

In spite of knowing this we hoped to obtain Sri Krishna and now it has been dashed to the ground.”

Hence Sri Râdhâ said in sorrow, “Stop thinking about how to forget Krishna! Alas! Alas! My thirst for Him is increasing every moment!”

What sort of thirst?

‘kripana-kripanâ’ – more humble than humble. Thirst for whom?

It is a thirst for That Sri Krishna Whose smile is sweeter than sweet, and Whose form is jubilant with the nectar of Eros. Now how shall I obtain Him?

Mahâprabhu has read this verse during Gambhirâ-leelâ and has Himself explained its sweetness in the following manner –

“In Krishna’s viraha, I am so full of udveg that I can’t make out how to obtain Him. You, my sakhis too look so miserable! From whom do I seek advice?

Alas! Alas! sakhi! What do I do? Where do I go? From where shall I get Krishna? Without Krishna, how will I survive?

When Her (Sri Râdhâ’s) mind became still for a moment, She thought and entered the bhâv of ‘mati’. She remembered Pingalâ’s words and pondered on them.

(She said) – Let us adopt Pingalâ’s advice and give up all expectation of Krishna, for then we shall be happy. Stop this useless Krishna-kathâ and discuss something worthwhile, so that we may forget Krishna.

As soon as She uttered these words, Krishna appeared in Her heart. She was shocked and told Her sakhis, ‘I want to forget Him; but He is lying in my heart! How can I renounce Him?

Râdhârâni’s bhâv is entirely different. She sees Krishna as the very embodiment of Passion. Her heart was agitated. She said, the passion that kills everybody has now entered my heart; this enemy does not let me forget Him.

Then She entered the mood of outsukya that drowned all Her other feelings. She felt a great longing and could not control Her emotions. In sorrow, She chastised Herself.

(She said) – I am so lowly and fallen. I cannot survive a moment without Krishna just as a fish cannot live without water. His sweet smiling face is a delight to the eyes and it doubles my yearning for Him.

(She cried out) –

“Alas! Alas! O Krishna, the treasure of my life! Alas! Alas! O lotus-eyed one! Alas! Alas! O Ocean of divine qualities! Alas! Alas! O Shyâmsundar! Alas! Alas! O Pitâmbaradhara! Alas! Alas! O Hero of the Râs-sport!”

(The Lord said in Srimati Râdhârâni’s mood) –

Where from do I get You? You tell me, I shall go there.

Saying this He rushed forth. Swarup got up and caught Him. Putting Him on His lap he brought Him back and seated Him, holding Him close.

After some time the Lord came to His external senses and ordered Swarup to sing something sweet. He sang the songs of poet Vidyâpati and Geet-Govindam, hearing which the Lord was soothed.” – (C.C. Antya.17.48-58)

The method of studying Sri Krishna-Karnâmritam

This is a slight indication of how to go about studying and relishing the verses of Sri Krishna-Karnâmritam. Sriman-Mahâprabhu has showed the way to the rasiks of the world, by relishing it Himself. We should not only hear the verses, but plunge headlong in the depth of their ras. Then we should lose ourselves in Sri Râdhâ’s mood – and ultimately – rush forth towards our Object of Desire agitatedly in a totally love-crazy state – crying out – “where from do I get You? You tell me, I shall go there”. What is all this, to which realm does all this belong? If we stop to ponder, we cannot but be wonder-struck. This entire book is full of such longing, such extreme desire! A heart-wrenching cry of distress to get darshan of Sri Krishna, the delight of our heart!!

In the siddha-swarup the poet is saying that my eyes are thirsty to behold Sri Krishna sporting divinely with my sakhi Sri Râdhâ. In the sâdhak state, Srila Lilâshuk is always yearning for Sri Krishna’s darshan. He has reached the state of anurâg! This is a high level of prem.

What is prem?

When a devotee feels very intense longing for Sri Hari, it is called ‘prem’.

The worldly people desire for wealth and popularity that is so temporary. Many such cheap things can satisfy cheap desire. However, Sri Hari is priceless. Therefore, other objects can never satisfy the desire for Sri Hari. Then ‘jol binu jeno meen, duhkha pay âyuheen, ei moto krishna-binu bhakta’, that is, ‘a devotee’s state without Sri Krishna is just like that of a fish gasping without water.’ All his desires and thirst centre around the lotus-feet of Govinda. Moreover Sri Lilâshuk is a devotee in the sweet mood of Vraja. His attraction and pining too is very very extreme – there is no way he can obtain it nor can he forget. One moment he is saying – stop Krishna-kathâ, discuss something else, the very next moment he is saying – my humble thirst for that sweeter-than-sweet Govinda is increasing more and more. He has composed some more similar verses that show his tremendous attraction for Sri Krishna’s sweetness, such as –

“ma yata pânthah pathi bheema-rathya digambarah ko’pi tamala-neelah,

vinyasta-hasto’pi nitamba-bimbe dhurtah sama-akarshati chitta-vittam.”

Meaning – (Sri Bilvamangal Thâkur is telling some traveller proceeding towards the Yamunâ) – “Oh pântha! (traveller)! Don’t you go towards the Yamunâ, there is a deep blue person standing with his left hand on his hip, He is very cunning – He snatches both chitta (mind) and vitta (wealth) simultaneously.”

These are uttering in the mood of Vrajabâlâs.

A Vrajabâlâ is telling her sakhi in the state of purva-râg –

“O why did I go to fill water? As soon as I went to the banks of the Yamunâ, I forgot my way and a blue whale came and swallowed me. His body is spilling over with ras, He is dressed like a great dancer and His chudâ tilts to the left. He stands there in style, His artistic beauty overflowing with lâvanya.

On His forehead He dons a tilak of chandan sparkling with fresh gorochanâ.^[2] This tilak nestles a dot that resembles the full moon. His face is surrounded by curly locks and He stands in the beautiful tribhanga style, which is nothing but a noose to grab the hearts of the fair sex.”

Srila Bhatta Goswâmipâd has stated in his Krishna-Vallabhâ purport that Sri Lilâshuk is expressing his tremendous thirst for Sri Krishna-darshan in this verse.

‘iha’ means ‘what do I do to quench this extremely great thirst? To whom do I tell? No one can help me. It is a big joke that someone like me is experiencing such a tremendous thirst.

The poet has used the word ‘aho’ in wonder and sorrow. It is useless to keep such high expectation. It is better to remain silent. The tide has turned against me. When He has turned His face away from me, how can any endeavour be fruitful? Better discuss some other topic so that my mind will be at peace. Even this is impossible, since my thirst for the all-attractive Sri Krishna is ever increasing. What sort of thirst? It is ‘kripan kripanâ’, very miserly – as soon as you satisfy it, it demands more.

What is bhakti?

“When we feel thirsty for Sri Krishna alone and do not desire anything else – it is called ‘bhakti’. This ‘prem-thirst’ is such that, the more we relish Krishna-mâdhuri, the more it increases.”

“trishnâ shanti nohe trishnâ badhe nirantar”

Meaning – “The thirst for Krishna can never be quenched, it is ever-increasing.”

– (Sri Chaitanya-Charitâmrita)

This unquenchable thirst is the instrument to measure our relish of Sri Krishna-mâdhuri. Hence Sri Lilâshuk has called this thirst as ‘more miserly than the miser’.

How is Sri Krishna?

‘madhur-madhur-smera’, meaning, ‘He is overflowing with the exultant ras and is beautiful with soft sweet smiles’. His sweet, sweet (meaning ‘very sweet’) smile is a prison – it imprisons our heart forever and ever. The poet says ‘mano-nayana-utsave’, meaning, ‘my thirst for that Sri Krishna, Who is a feast for the mind and the eyes, is ever increasing.’

Sri Chaitanya dâs Goswâmipâd says stop talking about Him and discuss something worthwhile. But He is lying in my heart, so how do I stop talking about Him? After all, He is ‘madhura-madhura–smera-akare’ – the One with sweeter than sweet, soft smiles.42.

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