Gour-virahini Priyāji’s face resembled the pale moon in the sky of Nadiyā. She slowly bent her face and seriously remarked in a tear-choked voice – “But sakhi, this is not truly a Gour-glorification! By adding the name of this wretched being you have spoilt the sweetness of this beautiful Gour-song. You have wished for the impossible! You know it can never happen! Yet, why do you raise this point? DO you not know that it only serves to make this unfortunate woman the butt of public mockery?”
Saying this Gour-vallabhā started sobbing helplessly. She could remain longer seated. She started rolling on the floor. Her silent cry for Gouranga smeared the dust of the home that was now devoid of Gouranga. Sakhis Kanchanā and Amitā landed in trouble. Now it would be very difficult indeed to pacify virahini Priyāji. Both looked worried.
The past memories returned. Virahini Priyāji saw in her mind’s eye all the Nabadweep-pastimes of her Prānavallabh. Terrible viraha agitated her. In the sanctum sanctorum of the Mahagambheerā Mandir of Nadiyā she rolled, smeared in the dust that had become a paste with her own tears. Piteously she called out – “O my dear husband! O Beloved of my soul! O Nabadweep-Chandra!” The two sakhis were incapable of holding her. Although Priyāji was so thin and weak, today she seemed to have gained immense strength. Kanchanā and Amitā were astounded. They stood there stupefied. Unable to decide what to do, they started singing Gour-kirtan –
“sriman-nabadweepa-kishora-chandra!
srinātha vishwambhar nā garendra !
hā sri shachinandan chitta-choura !
praseeda he vishnupriyesha goura !!”
Meaning – “O youthful Moon of Nabadweep! O Consort of Sri! O Lord of the universe! O Chief of paramours! Alas! O Son of Shachi Mata! O Beloved of Bishnupriyā ! O Gour! Be pleased with us!”
The Mahāgambheerā Mandir of Nadiyā that was so enveloped in silence suddenly burst into tumultuous sankirtan. Other sakhis too had come and joined in the loud glorification of Sri Gourachandra. That sankirtan was like a prem-river of Rās-ras that flooded the Mahagambheerā Mandir. That Prem-river started rushing in all directions, and its gushing waves rose high beating against all obstacles, raising a tsunami of prem-ānandam in the hearts of all beings!!! A fountain of inexpressible hitherto inexperienced nectarine prem-ras burst forth. All moving and non-moving entities started bobbing up and down in this prem-flood. At that time the Nadiyā -nāgaris, surrounded Gour-vaksha-vilāsini[1] Bishnupriyā and started singing loudly –
“ jaya shachinandan, jaya gourahari,
bishnupriyā prā na-nā th nadiyā vihā ri !”
Meaning – “All glory to Gourahari, the Son of Mother Shachi! All glory to the One who love-sports in Nadiyā, the life and soul of Bishnupriyā!”
The kirtan went on for quite some time. Then virahini Priyāji controlled herself, returned to normal and sat up on her own. When she saw all her sakhis assembled there she felt shy. Sakhi Kanchanā was close by. She indicated to Kanchanā to come still closer. She engulfed Kanchanā in her arms and whispered – “Sakhi! Why have so many gathered here? Had I misbehaved? I don’t remember anything! Ohh ! I feel so embarrassed to show my face to all the sakhis!” Priyāji hid her face in her garment, placed her head in Kanchanā’s lap and refused to look up. Kanchanā indicated to the Nadiyā -nāgaris to stop the kirtan and slowly leave the room.
Once again silence enveloped the Mahāgambheerā Mandir of Nadiyā. No one spoke anything. Two and half hours of night had passed. It was time for Priyāji’s most confidential Bhajan. Sakhi Kanchanā broke the silence with the continuation of the previous song, but this time in a slightly different mood –
“bishnupriyā ballabh he !
kā ndā te priyā r, eto sā dh keno ?
bolo bolo doyā moy !
ā shrito jone, dukh diye eto,
ki tomā r such hoy ?
noyone chā ho nā , kā ndile dekhonā ,
e kemon bhā lobā shā ?
morile ki hobe, jā nite chā hinā ,
(tumi tare) jeebone nā dile ā shā .
(tobo) charaner tale, lutā ye lutā ye,
kā nde sakhi nishidin,
(ohe) deener doyā l, doyā ki hoy nā ?
dekhe dasha deena heen !
ekti ā shā r, kothā ki jā nonā ?
(tā r) judā ite hridi jwā lā ,
ek bā r phire, chā hiyā dekhile,
(bujhi) mā n jā be shachi bā lā .
tomā r dharma, tumiy jā no he,
morā a kintu morilā m,
tomā r darasha lobhero ā shā y,
prā napā t korilā m.
dekheo dekho nā , doyā l thā kur,
(loke) keno go tomā re bole ?
ki doyā dekhā le, bishnupriyā re,
bolo dekhi more khule.
abhimā ne kā ndi, kohkono bā rā gi,
koto kathā boli tomā .
(ā bā r) sā dhiyā sā dhiyā , kā ndiyā kā ndiyā ,
koto bā r chā hi khomā !
doyā koribe nā , dukh bujhibe na,
ohe dukhahā ri nā th !
dukhi haridā si korichhe charane,
koti koti pranipāt.
(Gour-Geetikā )
Meaning – “My dear Beloved of Bishnupriyā, O Merciful One! Please tell me this much – why is it that you wish to make your Priyā cry? Does it make you happy to see your dear ones in sorrow?
You do not lift your gaze at us, you do not turn to look at us even when we cry, is this called prem? I do not want to know what will happen after death; all I know is – you did not give her any happiness in this lifetime.
My sakhi kept on crying and rolling in the dust of your feet. O Merciful to the fallen! You have no sympathy towards her in spite of her misery! Can you not utter a single word of consolation? Will it hurt your dignity to cast a single glance towards her, O Son of Mother Shachi?
You alone know your Dharma. Sorry, but we are not able to appreciate it, for just now we are dying. Priyā is about to give up her life in the hope of gaining your darshan. Although you know this, you are pretending to be ignorant. I do not why the people call you the “Magnanimous God”. What munificence did you shower on Bishnupriyā? Please will you explain to me?
Sometimes we weep in mān, and at other times we berate you in anger. And then the next moment we cry out for forgiveness!
O Master who wipes all grief! Will you not have pity? Will you not understand our sorrow? This wretched Haridāsi is paying you innumerable obeisance.”
[1][1] Who love-sports in the heart of Gouranga